I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
