he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
