either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize