Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
