It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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