Its about making memories worth repressing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
