So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
