I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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