yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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