I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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