I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
