If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
not ubering you a puppy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
