YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
