Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize
