No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
