i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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