We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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