Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
