theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I did not marry a roomba.
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