have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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