So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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