She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
