my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
