how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
