Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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