Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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