I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
