Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize