If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize