Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
