in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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