your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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