I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
