Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
