I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
