trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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