I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
