Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
