i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
