If i come over, it means nothing
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
