I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
