I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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