I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
