I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
