Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
