Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
as a side note pls kill me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
