He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
