Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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