i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
