Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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