He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
