dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
