Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
