$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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