can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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