Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
