apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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