You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize