the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You can't just leave with hair like that
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
