Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
