just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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