I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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