I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
