it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I did not marry a roomba.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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