I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize