i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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