Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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