A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
