is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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