We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
