i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
