toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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