There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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