People in love make me want to vomit
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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