An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
