Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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