You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Houston, we have a squirter
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
try to milk me bitch
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
