Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
