i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
