the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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