margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Screwed.edu
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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