I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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