How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
